Friday, March 27, 2020
Monday, February 4, 2019
Suicide
So, as a borderline, suicide is an option I contemplate a lot.
As a friend, or as an acquaintance, here is what I want you to do for me.
1. Do not tell me what I need to do.
2. When I ask you to leave me alone, please, respect this.
3. You do not live my life. You have NO right, to tell me that life is worth living.
4. When I do reach out to talk, support me in that.
5. That's all for now. I'm tired. Just let me be.
As a friend, or as an acquaintance, here is what I want you to do for me.
1. Do not tell me what I need to do.
2. When I ask you to leave me alone, please, respect this.
3. You do not live my life. You have NO right, to tell me that life is worth living.
4. When I do reach out to talk, support me in that.
5. That's all for now. I'm tired. Just let me be.
Wednesday, October 24, 2018
Social Impact Bonds
This year, on International Day to Eradicate Poverty, I attended a film screening called Invisible Heart, a story of human beings being "changed" on the impact of people investing in social impact bonds.
If you have not seen or heard anything about it, you can view the trailer here: https://youtu.be/cqpbMAW484w
As a person who lives in poverty and struggles with mental health challenges, I am deeply concerned with this way of thinking of ending poverty in Canada, and in the world, quite frankly.
I was disgusted by how social impact bonds treat those children, parents, and people who live in poverty and in homelessness, thereby, continuing the cycle, of making the rich, richer, and making the poor, poorer, and not giving them a voice.
I urge you to make your own decision on it though, and then have a healthy discussion of why you think this can be impactful for society, and discuss with those who live in poverty, why think the way that they do.
I don't see this being a solution. But becoming a bigger problem, to society in general.
If you have not seen or heard anything about it, you can view the trailer here: https://youtu.be/cqpbMAW484w
As a person who lives in poverty and struggles with mental health challenges, I am deeply concerned with this way of thinking of ending poverty in Canada, and in the world, quite frankly.
I was disgusted by how social impact bonds treat those children, parents, and people who live in poverty and in homelessness, thereby, continuing the cycle, of making the rich, richer, and making the poor, poorer, and not giving them a voice.
I urge you to make your own decision on it though, and then have a healthy discussion of why you think this can be impactful for society, and discuss with those who live in poverty, why think the way that they do.
I don't see this being a solution. But becoming a bigger problem, to society in general.
Tuesday, July 17, 2018
What does Poverty FEEL like in Canada?
Today, a study from the Angus Reid Institute was released. The study looks at what it means to be poor in Canada.
Yesterday, Jacqueline Hansen with CBC National spoke with me, in regards to this study.
But, we can focus on what it means to be poor in Canada, as much as we can focus on how if feels to be poor in Canada.
I fall into the category, as the "struggling".
I struggle to pay my bills on time. I struggle to go out and be an active part of society.
It feels degrading, scary, anxiety provoking, hopeless, and despairing.
One of the first things that are taken away when you live in poverty? The persons dignity.
We are vulnerable to stigmas, predators, and a system that perpetuates poverty.
But, we are also strong, resourceful, and make a stronger community.
I have to rely on gifts to get new clothing, furniture.
I have to rely on gift cards or my parents for food and other necessities.
I feel like a failure, a burden. To myself, my family, as well as a member of society.
This is Canada. This is supposed to be one of the best places to live in the world.
Unfortunately, for many of us, this is not the case.
We do not prosper.
You can read the Angus Reid Institute study here: http://angusreid.org/poverty-in-canada/
Yesterday, Jacqueline Hansen with CBC National spoke with me, in regards to this study.
But, we can focus on what it means to be poor in Canada, as much as we can focus on how if feels to be poor in Canada.
I fall into the category, as the "struggling".
I struggle to pay my bills on time. I struggle to go out and be an active part of society.
It feels degrading, scary, anxiety provoking, hopeless, and despairing.
One of the first things that are taken away when you live in poverty? The persons dignity.
We are vulnerable to stigmas, predators, and a system that perpetuates poverty.
But, we are also strong, resourceful, and make a stronger community.
I have to rely on gifts to get new clothing, furniture.
I have to rely on gift cards or my parents for food and other necessities.
I feel like a failure, a burden. To myself, my family, as well as a member of society.
This is Canada. This is supposed to be one of the best places to live in the world.
Unfortunately, for many of us, this is not the case.
We do not prosper.
You can read the Angus Reid Institute study here: http://angusreid.org/poverty-in-canada/
Thursday, June 14, 2018
Alberta Works CPAP request.
Well, So, you THINK you KNOW how the system works, do you?
Well, if you have never been on Alberta Works, you really don't KNOW how it works. OR, IF it "Works" for that matter.
In 2016 my CPAP machine for my sleep apnea broke down. I was given a temporary machine until I was approved for a new one through Alberta Works.
In the fall of 2017, Alberta Works requested that I get more testing done for Alberta Income for the Severely Handicapped (AISH), to approve of the CPAP machine.
So, I went and had a Pulmonary Function Test done, and another sleep study done. And was sent to Alberta Works on January 29, 2018.
Alberta Works sent the information to AISH on February 13, 2018.
On March 21, 2018, my social worker received an email back from AISH, asking for me to get a Level 3 sleep assessment done in order to confirm diagnosis. THIS had been done and completed, and sent in to Alberta Works in January.
On March 23, 2018, Respiratory Home Care solutions sent this information back to Alberta Works.
On April 4, 2018, Alberta Works received 2nd request for CPAP with documentation, and Alberta Works emailed this to AISH.
On April 13, 2018, Alberta Works received an email back from AISH. The second request for a CPAP machine was NOT supported, and they were requesting documents from my initial diagnosis.
On April 24, 2018, Respiratory Home Care Solutions faxed this information, to Alberta Works.
On April 20, 2018, the initial diagnosis testing documents were received by Alberta works and submitted to AISH.
This morning, I spoke with my social worker, and she indicated in the initial phone call that they never received the initial diagnosis, and asked me once again to send in this information, I informed her that it was sent in APRIL, and she stated she did NOT have it in her file.
So......I called Respiratory Home Care Solutions, asked them to once again, send the information to Alberta Works.
In my phone call to my Alberta Works social worker, this afternoon, to ask her and confirm she sent the information. She stated that, "Oh, I found the paperwork that was sent in April."
So, today, June 14, 2018, we are once again, waiting for AISH to approve my CPAP machine.
For someone who struggles with physical and mental health issues, this is NOT how ANYONE, who is trying to improve their health should be treated.
Sure a lot of miscommunication, and unnecessary stress for someone.
I never wanted it to come this way, but I have now had no choice to advocate for myself, and sent a letter to my MLA, and the Minister of Health, and the Minister of Social Services.
I'd rather their time be spent fixing the issues as a whole, than focusing on an individual's issues, to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Well, if you have never been on Alberta Works, you really don't KNOW how it works. OR, IF it "Works" for that matter.
In 2016 my CPAP machine for my sleep apnea broke down. I was given a temporary machine until I was approved for a new one through Alberta Works.
In the fall of 2017, Alberta Works requested that I get more testing done for Alberta Income for the Severely Handicapped (AISH), to approve of the CPAP machine.
So, I went and had a Pulmonary Function Test done, and another sleep study done. And was sent to Alberta Works on January 29, 2018.
Alberta Works sent the information to AISH on February 13, 2018.
On March 21, 2018, my social worker received an email back from AISH, asking for me to get a Level 3 sleep assessment done in order to confirm diagnosis. THIS had been done and completed, and sent in to Alberta Works in January.
On March 23, 2018, Respiratory Home Care solutions sent this information back to Alberta Works.
On April 4, 2018, Alberta Works received 2nd request for CPAP with documentation, and Alberta Works emailed this to AISH.
On April 13, 2018, Alberta Works received an email back from AISH. The second request for a CPAP machine was NOT supported, and they were requesting documents from my initial diagnosis.
On April 24, 2018, Respiratory Home Care Solutions faxed this information, to Alberta Works.
On April 20, 2018, the initial diagnosis testing documents were received by Alberta works and submitted to AISH.
This morning, I spoke with my social worker, and she indicated in the initial phone call that they never received the initial diagnosis, and asked me once again to send in this information, I informed her that it was sent in APRIL, and she stated she did NOT have it in her file.
So......I called Respiratory Home Care Solutions, asked them to once again, send the information to Alberta Works.
In my phone call to my Alberta Works social worker, this afternoon, to ask her and confirm she sent the information. She stated that, "Oh, I found the paperwork that was sent in April."
So, today, June 14, 2018, we are once again, waiting for AISH to approve my CPAP machine.
For someone who struggles with physical and mental health issues, this is NOT how ANYONE, who is trying to improve their health should be treated.
Sure a lot of miscommunication, and unnecessary stress for someone.
I never wanted it to come this way, but I have now had no choice to advocate for myself, and sent a letter to my MLA, and the Minister of Health, and the Minister of Social Services.
I'd rather their time be spent fixing the issues as a whole, than focusing on an individual's issues, to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
Suicide Talk
As I said in the previous blog, no one talked about my cousin's suicide. It was hush, hush.
The things that I did hear about suicide, were awful.
"People who kill themselves are going to hell."
Like in the movie, "The Kingdom of Heaven." Where the woman who died by suicide's head was cut off, because she would not need her eyes in hell.
"People who kill themselves are weak."
"They took the cowards way out."
"They 'committed' suicide." As if it is a criminal offense.
Hurtful words, probably from people who either:
1. Don't understand what is going through the mind of the suicidal person.
or
2. Trying to scare people not to off themselves.
What I say next is going to be controversial to a lot of people.
I believe that God understands what people are going through when they decide to end their lives. And I don't believe, that the loving God I know, would send people to a place where they felt they belonged in on earth. Earth, to some people, is hell.
People who take their lives are not weak or a coward, it takes courage and guts to end your life on earth. It's not a decision that comes lightly to those who want to leave this earth.
People die, by suicide. They don't "commit" anything. They are not criminals. And I'm so glad that the language being used in this day and age is being changed.
The people who are left behind, are sad, and angry at the loss of their loved ones. I can understand this. I can also, very much understand, that I would want people to be happy for me.
I would be at peace.
No longer suffering.
And I would hope that is what people could be able to see, and feel, and know.
I would also hope, that they talk about it. And don't become silent from it.
Because talking, provides healing. And that's what people need after a suicide.
The things that I did hear about suicide, were awful.
"People who kill themselves are going to hell."
Like in the movie, "The Kingdom of Heaven." Where the woman who died by suicide's head was cut off, because she would not need her eyes in hell.
"People who kill themselves are weak."
"They took the cowards way out."
"They 'committed' suicide." As if it is a criminal offense.
Hurtful words, probably from people who either:
1. Don't understand what is going through the mind of the suicidal person.
or
2. Trying to scare people not to off themselves.
What I say next is going to be controversial to a lot of people.
I believe that God understands what people are going through when they decide to end their lives. And I don't believe, that the loving God I know, would send people to a place where they felt they belonged in on earth. Earth, to some people, is hell.
People who take their lives are not weak or a coward, it takes courage and guts to end your life on earth. It's not a decision that comes lightly to those who want to leave this earth.
People die, by suicide. They don't "commit" anything. They are not criminals. And I'm so glad that the language being used in this day and age is being changed.
The people who are left behind, are sad, and angry at the loss of their loved ones. I can understand this. I can also, very much understand, that I would want people to be happy for me.
I would be at peace.
No longer suffering.
And I would hope that is what people could be able to see, and feel, and know.
I would also hope, that they talk about it. And don't become silent from it.
Because talking, provides healing. And that's what people need after a suicide.
Monday, April 2, 2018
April 19th One Brave Night
After my first suicide attempt, I ran away from home and lived on the streets off and on. Unable toaw control my emotions, or understand them, I just did not deal with them, and ran.
My darling parents, were at a loss as well. They loved me, accepted me, but I think, did not know how to deal with me and my emotional behavior.
When I was 18 I returned home. After dealing with yet another suicide attempt, although it was more of a cry for help this time. I took pills once again, the only way I knew how to get away from the controlling boyfriend I had at the time.
I had gone back to school while living with him. He despised this idea, and burnt all of my hard work. This school gave me hope, that I might be smarter than I actually felt, receiving 80's for the first time in my life. But my boyfriend scared me, so I took the pills in the hopes that the doctor's at the hospital would see that I was in danger, and get me the help that I needed.
They did not recognize my fear for him though, so I had to leave on my own, and went back to live with my parents.
It was April 19th, 1993. The day that changed family dynamics forever.
My mother and I were on the couch in the basement. We had just finished watching the Waco Texas massacre on CTV News, and had moved on to the weather, when the phone rang.
You can tell something is wrong with someone's tone of voice. I heard my mother's voice change on the phone.
When she had finished talking to my Aunt, she turned to me and told me what she had just discussed on the phone.
My cousin was dead.
She died by suicide.
It would be a few days before we learned the details of what happened. My dear cousin had taken a shotgun under a bridge, and pulled the trigger, leaving a husband, and three teenage children behind.
I wish I had recognized the signs of her suicide the last time we had seen her. Noticed something that was different about her that would have helped me reach our to her. But, alas, that was not the case.
Most importantly, her death, and her life, was hushed and silenced. No one spoke about her, or the incident.
This is what kills me the most about her death.
That no one speaks of it.
That day,
On April 19th.
My darling parents, were at a loss as well. They loved me, accepted me, but I think, did not know how to deal with me and my emotional behavior.
When I was 18 I returned home. After dealing with yet another suicide attempt, although it was more of a cry for help this time. I took pills once again, the only way I knew how to get away from the controlling boyfriend I had at the time.
I had gone back to school while living with him. He despised this idea, and burnt all of my hard work. This school gave me hope, that I might be smarter than I actually felt, receiving 80's for the first time in my life. But my boyfriend scared me, so I took the pills in the hopes that the doctor's at the hospital would see that I was in danger, and get me the help that I needed.
They did not recognize my fear for him though, so I had to leave on my own, and went back to live with my parents.
It was April 19th, 1993. The day that changed family dynamics forever.
My mother and I were on the couch in the basement. We had just finished watching the Waco Texas massacre on CTV News, and had moved on to the weather, when the phone rang.
You can tell something is wrong with someone's tone of voice. I heard my mother's voice change on the phone.
When she had finished talking to my Aunt, she turned to me and told me what she had just discussed on the phone.
My cousin was dead.
She died by suicide.
It would be a few days before we learned the details of what happened. My dear cousin had taken a shotgun under a bridge, and pulled the trigger, leaving a husband, and three teenage children behind.
I wish I had recognized the signs of her suicide the last time we had seen her. Noticed something that was different about her that would have helped me reach our to her. But, alas, that was not the case.
Most importantly, her death, and her life, was hushed and silenced. No one spoke about her, or the incident.
This is what kills me the most about her death.
That no one speaks of it.
That day,
On April 19th.
Sunday, April 1, 2018
One Brave Night
On April 6th, is a day that I have joined the challenge to raise much more than money for the Canadian Mental Health Association, but awareness, of how devastating mental illness effects people.
What is One Brave Night? And where does this money go?
In its first three years, CAMH One Brave Night for Mental Health™ has has rallied over 3,000 brave participants and more than 11,000 donors, raising more than $2 million. The efforts of participants and donors have helped:
Much like, an illness, of the body, effects the body.
I was in Grade 7. When I first started my self-harm behavior. In Industrial Arts class. The challenge then was to take sandpaper to your wrist, and see how far you can go before you yelled out "SISSY".
I went deep. I never realized it then, what I was doing. I thought I was just playing a game.
It was when I was 15, I took 150 pills into my Junior High School bathroom.
I took pills in the basement during morning class, first the pills, then drink the water. Pills, and more water.
After, I continued to class. Higher than a kite. In very slow motion. I sat in class, pills infecting my body, preparing it to die.
Why did I do this? I know I hated my life. No one understood me, and I did not understand myself.
It was not until late that evening, my best friend noticed that something was wrong.
I confessed to her what I had done.
We went to the walk-in clinic. The doctor phoned my parents. From there they picked me up and took me to the Foothill's hospital.
I stayed for 7 days. Hooked up to an Intravenous. Made to drink charcoal. Only to throw it up, and have to drink more.
When I was released, no diagnosis was given, just to see a psychologist.
When what I had done was brought to the attention of my school counselor, his response was:
"This is a phase, she will grow out of it. She was seeking attention."
Damaging words from a professional.
You see, all the professionals. Knew what was going on with me. But sadly, there was no treatment for people like me at this time.
We were the un-treatable. Professionals refused to touch us. We were the throw aways.
This was the beginning.
You can follow my journey at #OneBraveNight
What is One Brave Night? And where does this money go?
In its first three years, CAMH One Brave Night for Mental Health™ has has rallied over 3,000 brave participants and more than 11,000 donors, raising more than $2 million. The efforts of participants and donors have helped:
- Create three new youth clinics to help address the gap in mental health treatment.
- Inspire hope through discovery by testing new treatment options for people with severe and treatment-resistant depression.
- Publish over 500 journal articles, sharing the incredible discoveries made at CAMH.
- Continue to redevelop CAMH facilities to build treatment, education and research spaces that reflect respect for patients and hope for recovery.
- Expand effective and timely access to mental health services in remote and underserved communities around the country through technology and access to telepsychiatry.
Much like, an illness, of the body, effects the body.
I was in Grade 7. When I first started my self-harm behavior. In Industrial Arts class. The challenge then was to take sandpaper to your wrist, and see how far you can go before you yelled out "SISSY".
I went deep. I never realized it then, what I was doing. I thought I was just playing a game.
It was when I was 15, I took 150 pills into my Junior High School bathroom.
I took pills in the basement during morning class, first the pills, then drink the water. Pills, and more water.
After, I continued to class. Higher than a kite. In very slow motion. I sat in class, pills infecting my body, preparing it to die.
Why did I do this? I know I hated my life. No one understood me, and I did not understand myself.
It was not until late that evening, my best friend noticed that something was wrong.
I confessed to her what I had done.
We went to the walk-in clinic. The doctor phoned my parents. From there they picked me up and took me to the Foothill's hospital.
I stayed for 7 days. Hooked up to an Intravenous. Made to drink charcoal. Only to throw it up, and have to drink more.
When I was released, no diagnosis was given, just to see a psychologist.
When what I had done was brought to the attention of my school counselor, his response was:
"This is a phase, she will grow out of it. She was seeking attention."
Damaging words from a professional.
You see, all the professionals. Knew what was going on with me. But sadly, there was no treatment for people like me at this time.
We were the un-treatable. Professionals refused to touch us. We were the throw aways.
This was the beginning.
You can follow my journey at #OneBraveNight
Thursday, February 15, 2018
The question of racism
It is with a very sad and heavy heart that I write this blog. My heart breaks, as I watch the world unfold around me. I try to make sense of it, but I can't. I don't understand, and I think that's what frustrates me the most.
I've been asked many questions over the last week. Questions that I don't have answers for. I don't understand all of it, I don't think that I'm supposed to.
Someone asked me if I have experienced racism.
Directly? No.
Indirectly, absolutely!!
I experienced it when I sent my boyfriend who was First Nations to the store when my son was young to get some Vanilla Extract for his birthday cake. He came back with no vanilla extract. Why? Because the sales clerk refused to sell it to him. Why? Because, you know, vanilla extract has alcohol in it.
I was livid. I marched to the store, which will be unnamed, because it's not the only store that does it. I went to the shelf, got the vanilla extract down, walked to the cashier (the one who refused the item to my boyfriend), and she sold it to me. No questions asked.
I then asked to speak to her manager and raised the problem with them.
Most people don't know this, but my son has Metis background. By standing idly by, and seeing un-justices done to those of First Nations people, is saying that I refuse to stand up for my son's heritage, something that he should be proud of.
Do I think it's okay for the federal government to give money to the First Nations reserves, yes!! Sadly, money is the least their doing for them.
Turning a blind eye to over 1200 murdered and missing indigenous women and children, is like saying that I am complicit in their disappearances and murder.
Saying it's "Okay", that police officer's drive indigenous people up, and drive them out to the middle of nowhere, in -40 degree whether, does not sit right with me.
Such a huge representation of indigenous people in the criminal justice system, is wrong.
I should be thankful for my white privilege, instead, I'm ashamed.
Why does a reservation improperly manage their finances? I don't know. Why do our municipalities, provinces, and federal government improperly manage their finances?
My only answer is: Find out why. Go to the reserves, talk to the band councils, and learn the issues.
Why don't the indigenous parents teach their children from right and wrong?
Wait a minute.....
They do.
My parents taught me from right and wrong. I was a rebellious teenager, and I caused shit.
Why are there shootings, and stabbings, and suicides, and drug issues on reservations?
I don't know.
Why are there shooting, and stabbings, and suicides, and drug issues in towns and cities?
These are hard conversations to have with our friends, neighbors, families.
They're also very important conversations to have.
But, I don't have all the answers. So I go to my communities, I ask the hard questions, I listen, learn, and maybe not completely understand, but I empathize.
Because to do otherwise, is being complicit.
I've been asked many questions over the last week. Questions that I don't have answers for. I don't understand all of it, I don't think that I'm supposed to.
Someone asked me if I have experienced racism.
Directly? No.
Indirectly, absolutely!!
I experienced it when I sent my boyfriend who was First Nations to the store when my son was young to get some Vanilla Extract for his birthday cake. He came back with no vanilla extract. Why? Because the sales clerk refused to sell it to him. Why? Because, you know, vanilla extract has alcohol in it.
I was livid. I marched to the store, which will be unnamed, because it's not the only store that does it. I went to the shelf, got the vanilla extract down, walked to the cashier (the one who refused the item to my boyfriend), and she sold it to me. No questions asked.
I then asked to speak to her manager and raised the problem with them.
Most people don't know this, but my son has Metis background. By standing idly by, and seeing un-justices done to those of First Nations people, is saying that I refuse to stand up for my son's heritage, something that he should be proud of.
Do I think it's okay for the federal government to give money to the First Nations reserves, yes!! Sadly, money is the least their doing for them.
Turning a blind eye to over 1200 murdered and missing indigenous women and children, is like saying that I am complicit in their disappearances and murder.
Saying it's "Okay", that police officer's drive indigenous people up, and drive them out to the middle of nowhere, in -40 degree whether, does not sit right with me.
Such a huge representation of indigenous people in the criminal justice system, is wrong.
I should be thankful for my white privilege, instead, I'm ashamed.
Why does a reservation improperly manage their finances? I don't know. Why do our municipalities, provinces, and federal government improperly manage their finances?
My only answer is: Find out why. Go to the reserves, talk to the band councils, and learn the issues.
Why don't the indigenous parents teach their children from right and wrong?
Wait a minute.....
They do.
My parents taught me from right and wrong. I was a rebellious teenager, and I caused shit.
Why are there shootings, and stabbings, and suicides, and drug issues on reservations?
I don't know.
Why are there shooting, and stabbings, and suicides, and drug issues in towns and cities?
These are hard conversations to have with our friends, neighbors, families.
They're also very important conversations to have.
But, I don't have all the answers. So I go to my communities, I ask the hard questions, I listen, learn, and maybe not completely understand, but I empathize.
Because to do otherwise, is being complicit.
Friday, December 8, 2017
Assets at Christmas
So, it's Christmas again....I know people struggle with the fact that I always hate this time of year, but I do.
December 1, 2017 started with me having -$4.95 cents in my bank account.
It's now December 8, and I now have $15.27 in my bank account, because I got paid today. I won't be paid for another two weeks.
For the first time ever, I've had to tell my son there are no Christmas gifts this year.
He's 20 now. Not a child anymore, but a man.
He tells me that it's ok. But deep in my heart I know that it's not.
So, just to scramble to find food for the rest of this month, I am looking at those gift cards that I have in my wallet. Five dollars here, $1.36 there.
I am lucky, I guess. I know of women with younger children who are doing unthinkable and unspeakable things on the streets to their minds, thoughts, and bodies to provide a Christmas to their child/ren.
I know that Christmas is not, and should not, be about presents under the tree.
It's about the birth of Christ our Savior.
So, I try to find hope, and strength, and life in that.
December 1, 2017 started with me having -$4.95 cents in my bank account.
It's now December 8, and I now have $15.27 in my bank account, because I got paid today. I won't be paid for another two weeks.
For the first time ever, I've had to tell my son there are no Christmas gifts this year.
He's 20 now. Not a child anymore, but a man.
He tells me that it's ok. But deep in my heart I know that it's not.
So, just to scramble to find food for the rest of this month, I am looking at those gift cards that I have in my wallet. Five dollars here, $1.36 there.
I am lucky, I guess. I know of women with younger children who are doing unthinkable and unspeakable things on the streets to their minds, thoughts, and bodies to provide a Christmas to their child/ren.
I know that Christmas is not, and should not, be about presents under the tree.
It's about the birth of Christ our Savior.
So, I try to find hope, and strength, and life in that.
Tuesday, November 14, 2017
Credit
Who, really, wants to talk about, let alone think about their credit?
Certainly not I.
But in today's society, credit is a must have.
On this session of my Savings Circles program I learned that credit can be unsecured or secured.
Unsecured being: You do not have to offer any security (deposit or collateral) before you can use this type of credit. Examples being credit cards and store credit cards.
Secured being: You must offer some security or collateral before you can access this type of credit. Mortgages, utilities being examples of these.
So, why would you need credit? Well, for examples, credit can be used for:
If not used responsibly it can effect debt build up, high interest rates and service charges, risk of bad credit, bankruptcy, and personal and/or relationship stress.
What is the importance of credit?
It's an asset! Some employers, landlords, utility companies need proof that you have a good credit rating.
A credit report sums up your credit history and is included in the calculation of your credit score.
The biggest thing that many people don't know are the credit history situations. THIS IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE.
Think about your minimum payments.
If you owe $1,000.00 on your credit card. And you have an interest rate of 21% on the card, and ONLY made your minimum payments each month. The interest you would pay is $1,104.63, the total you would pay is $2, 104.63, and it would take you 11 years and 6 months to pay that off!!
Steer clear of high-cost credit places such as CitiFinancial.
Also stay away from payday loans. This is a trap into a cycle of debt where you are always running out of money before your next cheque arrives.
There is a part two to this story, which will come later this week, I just wanted to focus on the main basics for now.
Credit Canada has a great credit calculator at: https://www.creditcanada.com/debt-calculator?gclid=CjwKCAiAxarQBRAmEiwA6YcGKET4IhV270-hRsFzmWjNLE0Dkt84t14ENsvoAULo_SFwFg8f11B-nhoChJ0QAvD_BwE
If you would like to know more about Momentum Calgary and the programs and services it offers, please visit: http://www.momentum.org/
Certainly not I.
But in today's society, credit is a must have.
On this session of my Savings Circles program I learned that credit can be unsecured or secured.
Unsecured being: You do not have to offer any security (deposit or collateral) before you can use this type of credit. Examples being credit cards and store credit cards.
Secured being: You must offer some security or collateral before you can access this type of credit. Mortgages, utilities being examples of these.
So, why would you need credit? Well, for examples, credit can be used for:
- Investing
- Buying now and paying later.
- Large purchases, e.g. car, education.
- Shopping online.
If not used responsibly it can effect debt build up, high interest rates and service charges, risk of bad credit, bankruptcy, and personal and/or relationship stress.
What is the importance of credit?
It's an asset! Some employers, landlords, utility companies need proof that you have a good credit rating.
A credit report sums up your credit history and is included in the calculation of your credit score.
The biggest thing that many people don't know are the credit history situations. THIS IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE.
- Too many applications - EVERY TIME you apply for a loan, credit card or store card, you fill out an application form. The company then forwards your information to the credit bureau and they update your file as an inquiry. if you have too many inquiries on your file, you may look desperate for credit and be considered a credit risk.
- Pre-approved credit - Even if a credit card application sent to you in the mail suggests that you have been pre-approved, DO NOT take that for granted. A credit check WILL be done if you complete and send in the application form.
- High debt capacity - EACH time you are accepted for credit, you increase your potential to carry debt. A large capacity for debt could mean that you may be declined credit when you REALLY need it.
Think about your minimum payments.
If you owe $1,000.00 on your credit card. And you have an interest rate of 21% on the card, and ONLY made your minimum payments each month. The interest you would pay is $1,104.63, the total you would pay is $2, 104.63, and it would take you 11 years and 6 months to pay that off!!
Steer clear of high-cost credit places such as CitiFinancial.
Also stay away from payday loans. This is a trap into a cycle of debt where you are always running out of money before your next cheque arrives.
There is a part two to this story, which will come later this week, I just wanted to focus on the main basics for now.
Credit Canada has a great credit calculator at: https://www.creditcanada.com/debt-calculator?gclid=CjwKCAiAxarQBRAmEiwA6YcGKET4IhV270-hRsFzmWjNLE0Dkt84t14ENsvoAULo_SFwFg8f11B-nhoChJ0QAvD_BwE
If you would like to know more about Momentum Calgary and the programs and services it offers, please visit: http://www.momentum.org/
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
Assets
In my second class of Savings Circles at Momentum Calgary we looked at assets.
What is an asset?
Assets are typically looked at as having ownership of something worth value. Typically a car, a home, a farm.
Here we looked at it in multiple levels. Finances, connections, sense of self, basic needs and services, and skills and knowledge.
We discussed where we wanted our lives to be in two years from now. Where did we want to live, what kind of work to do, what did you want your social life to look like, what goals did you want to achieve, what are your passion?
My goal on the Skills and Knowledge sector was wanting to learn American Sign Language, and setting up S.M.A.R.T goals to get started on that.
The acronym S.M.A.R.T being, is it:
What is an asset?
Assets are typically looked at as having ownership of something worth value. Typically a car, a home, a farm.
Here we looked at it in multiple levels. Finances, connections, sense of self, basic needs and services, and skills and knowledge.
We discussed where we wanted our lives to be in two years from now. Where did we want to live, what kind of work to do, what did you want your social life to look like, what goals did you want to achieve, what are your passion?
My goal on the Skills and Knowledge sector was wanting to learn American Sign Language, and setting up S.M.A.R.T goals to get started on that.
The acronym S.M.A.R.T being, is it:
- Specific
- Measurable
- Attainable
- Relevant
- Timely
The next was my sense of self. What qualities did I want to have, what was unique about me.
I am:
- Friendly
- Funny
- Ambitious
- Honest
- Resilient
What are my connections with other people? Do I have a close circle of friends and relationshiops that help me achieve my goals? Are there organizations or communities that I can be a part of that will help me do that?
Next we looked at Basic Needs and Services. Do I have housing, reliable transportation, access to information I might need to help me make decisions, etc.
My Basic Needs and Services were:
- Chronic pain centre
- Shelter
- Transit
- Employment
- Library
- Community Resource Centre
The next was finances. Do I have income? If so, where from? So I listed them and came up with some surprising items that I never would have put on my list before. I found:
- Employment
- Alberta Works
- Tax Free Savings Account
- Piggy Bank (spare change)
- Gift cards
- Pop bottles
Then I looked at the challenges part of my life. What do I need to work on now to start achieving what I want my goal to be in two years?
These were huge skills to work on, and a very important one to look at in this program.
Monday, October 16, 2017
Budgeting
My first class at Momentum was Budgeting. Probably the best class to have, at the very beginning of my savings circles program.
I learned about what kind of relationship I had with money. Good, bad? When I hear the word "money" I think of it as bills and trouble. When I hear the word "budget", I think of restrictions placed on me. I never really learned about money from my parents, they didn't feel it was necessary to concern us children with money.
I've always paid my bills first and that's really the only things that I have "managed" my money. My biggest fear about money is that I might become homeless.
So, I began with learning that, and figuring out where I spent my last 10 purchases. Which were really luxuries for the most part. Pens, pencil crayons, coffee. But I also spent it on rent and a bus pass and a pill organizer for my medications.
I learned about my needs, and my wants, what my spending habits were, and then I added it all up. Those teeny, tiny purchases, add up to a lot!
So then I worked on a budget planner, but this still continues to be a struggle for me until this day.
This month, my income was $361.00 from Alberta Works.
Plus the $124.34 I make every two weeks from employment.
That makes $609.68 for the month of October.
So my bills were:
Loan Payment: $64.94
Enmax: $63.56
Shaw: $73.50
Credit card: $110.00
Bus Pass: $5.05
Monthly bank fee: $14.95
I was already withdrawn in my bank account by the time my Alberta Works cheque came in. So I was unable to make my rent for the month of October. I am now making payments to catch up on that.
I have to say, budgeting is not easy for someone with a low-income. There is no money to save, or spread.
Although, I try my best and save my change.
At the end of this year, my loan payment will be paid in full, and I'll be able to concentrate on paying off my student loan.
I'm glad that I learned my relationship with money and this budgeting piece.
It gives me better insight, on where to distribute my money on a monthly basis.
I learned about what kind of relationship I had with money. Good, bad? When I hear the word "money" I think of it as bills and trouble. When I hear the word "budget", I think of restrictions placed on me. I never really learned about money from my parents, they didn't feel it was necessary to concern us children with money.
I've always paid my bills first and that's really the only things that I have "managed" my money. My biggest fear about money is that I might become homeless.
So, I began with learning that, and figuring out where I spent my last 10 purchases. Which were really luxuries for the most part. Pens, pencil crayons, coffee. But I also spent it on rent and a bus pass and a pill organizer for my medications.
I learned about my needs, and my wants, what my spending habits were, and then I added it all up. Those teeny, tiny purchases, add up to a lot!
So then I worked on a budget planner, but this still continues to be a struggle for me until this day.
This month, my income was $361.00 from Alberta Works.
Plus the $124.34 I make every two weeks from employment.
That makes $609.68 for the month of October.
So my bills were:
Loan Payment: $64.94
Enmax: $63.56
Shaw: $73.50
Credit card: $110.00
Bus Pass: $5.05
Monthly bank fee: $14.95
I was already withdrawn in my bank account by the time my Alberta Works cheque came in. So I was unable to make my rent for the month of October. I am now making payments to catch up on that.
I have to say, budgeting is not easy for someone with a low-income. There is no money to save, or spread.
Although, I try my best and save my change.
At the end of this year, my loan payment will be paid in full, and I'll be able to concentrate on paying off my student loan.
I'm glad that I learned my relationship with money and this budgeting piece.
It gives me better insight, on where to distribute my money on a monthly basis.
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Healthy foods are yucky foods
Ugh.....So, I have good news and bad news for you. I will give you the bad news first, so we can end on a positive note.
I just came from my Nutrition Essentials course at the Chronic Pain Centre, and I was disgusted and disheartened to learn the truth about "healthy" food.
We all know that Trans Fat is bad for you, otherwise known as hydrogenated. This is my emoji for this: 😨
Saturated fat is considered ok fats: Emoji = 😐
Unsaturated fat is considered good for you, but not ALL
For instance, polyunsaturated fat or PUFA's contain Omega's 3's and Omega 6's.
OMEGA 6's are BAD for you!!
Omega 6 is mostly used in processed foods.
WHAT contains Omega 6's?
1. Soybean Oil
2. Vegetable Oil
3. Sunflower Oil
Here's the kicker!! The FIRST ingredient in Great Value ranch dressing, is Soybean Oil!!
So, Here's another kicker. A pumpkin cake from Community Natural Foods contains:
Dum, dum, dum,
420 Calories
19 Grams of Fat (4 and a half teaspoons)
26 Grams of Sugar (6 and a half teaspoons)
A Raisin Bran from Tim Horton's contains:
307 calories!
12 Grams of fat (3 teaspoons)
36 Grams of sugar (9 teaspoons)
AND it's cooked in SUNFLOWER OIL!! OMEGA 6!!
Guess what???
A Boston Cream from Tim Horton's contains:
220 calories!
6 Grams of fat (1 and a half teaspoons) AND
15 Grams of sugar (3 and a half teaspoons)
HUH!!!
Knowledge is power!! Don't let them fool you!!
READ THE INGREDIENTS!!
I just came from my Nutrition Essentials course at the Chronic Pain Centre, and I was disgusted and disheartened to learn the truth about "healthy" food.
We all know that Trans Fat is bad for you, otherwise known as hydrogenated. This is my emoji for this: 😨
Saturated fat is considered ok fats: Emoji = 😐
Unsaturated fat is considered good for you, but not ALL
For instance, polyunsaturated fat or PUFA's contain Omega's 3's and Omega 6's.
OMEGA 6's are BAD for you!!
Omega 6 is mostly used in processed foods.
WHAT contains Omega 6's?
1. Soybean Oil
2. Vegetable Oil
3. Sunflower Oil
Here's the kicker!! The FIRST ingredient in Great Value ranch dressing, is Soybean Oil!!
So, Here's another kicker. A pumpkin cake from Community Natural Foods contains:
Dum, dum, dum,
420 Calories
19 Grams of Fat (4 and a half teaspoons)
26 Grams of Sugar (6 and a half teaspoons)
A Raisin Bran from Tim Horton's contains:
307 calories!
12 Grams of fat (3 teaspoons)
36 Grams of sugar (9 teaspoons)
AND it's cooked in SUNFLOWER OIL!! OMEGA 6!!
Guess what???
A Boston Cream from Tim Horton's contains:
220 calories!
6 Grams of fat (1 and a half teaspoons) AND
15 Grams of sugar (3 and a half teaspoons)
HUH!!!
Knowledge is power!! Don't let them fool you!!
READ THE INGREDIENTS!!
Thursday, August 24, 2017
Savings Circles
So last night I graduated from a six month course called the Savings Circles program at Momentum Calgary.
I was part of a fantastic group of people while I "earned while I learned".
There were many groups that I took part in and learned from. Some included:
I was part of a fantastic group of people while I "earned while I learned".
There were many groups that I took part in and learned from. Some included:
- Budgeting
- Banking
- Credit
- Assets
- Consumerism
- Home Ownership
- Debt Management
- Retirement.
This was a matched savings program. So while I opened a Tax Free Savings Account in March and put $50 into my bank account, Momentum matched this by three times.
I graduated last night just shy of $1300 dollars.
How will this help me in the future?
- With this savings I can now purchase a new laptop. (My old one kicked the bucket two weeks ago) This means that I can continue blogging, continue volunteering for Poverty Talks! and focus on writing and publishing my book.
- I now know that how little money I have, I will always have some money to put aside to deposit into my savings account.
- I know what programs and services are available to me and others when I retire.
- I know how to manage my debt now.
- I know how retail companies and big consumer companies work now, and I no longer buy into the mind games that they play with people.
One gentleman said at last nights speech, that it not only taught him about financial empowerment, but the most important thing that he took out of it was that he was more confident.
Now isn't THAT what Enough for All is all about??
Empowering the people who live in poverty!!
If you would like more information about the Savings Circles program at Momentum you can find it here: http://www.momentum.org/savings-circles
I want to thank United Way of Calgary, Family and Community Support Services, and Prosper Canada for the funding to provide this program to Calgary Citizens. Along with all of the wonderful, supportive staff at Momentum.
Thursday, July 27, 2017
If you believe I am in danger
I have been depressed lately. Depressed and withdrawn. It takes all of my strength, and energy to write this to you right now. Because at the same time that I write my safety plan, I also want to take my life.
I know that my friends are worried. I do not want them to worry. I know what to do when I am surrounded by my suicidal ideation. I know that you need to know that I'll be "OK". And "OK" meaning that I have my safety plan, and that I am following through with it. So my family and friends, here is my safety plan, and things for you to know what to do, when I am in crisis.
If you would like more information on the Lifeline Canada, you can find the website here: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/
Here are the warning signs to watch for in me:
I know that my friends are worried. I do not want them to worry. I know what to do when I am surrounded by my suicidal ideation. I know that you need to know that I'll be "OK". And "OK" meaning that I have my safety plan, and that I am following through with it. So my family and friends, here is my safety plan, and things for you to know what to do, when I am in crisis.
If you would like more information on the Lifeline Canada, you can find the website here: https://thelifelinecanada.ca/
Here are the warning signs to watch for in me:
TALK
Here are the warning signs to watch for in me:
If I talk about:
- Having no reason to live.
- Being a burden to others.
- Having a plan.
- Giving things away.
- If I tell you I love you out of the blue.
Behaviour
Specific things to look for in me:
- Increased use of alcohol.
- Searching online for ways to kill myself.
- Withdrawing from activities.
- Isolating myself.
- Not making commitments.
- Posting suicidal messages.
Mood
I will:
- Lose interest in people and things.
- Become irritable.
- Sleep all the time.
My suicide risk factors:
- Borderline Personality Disorder.
- Major depressive episodes.
- Chronic pain and trouble coping with that pain.
- Alcohol abuse.
- Social anxiety disorder.
Environmental Factors:
- Stressful life events.
- Prolonged stress factors which may include relationship problems, harassment, past sexual abuse, fear of financial issues.
- Exposure to another person's suicide. Including the anniversary of friends who have died by suicide.
Historical Factors:
- Previous suicide attempts.
- Family history of a completed suicide.
If you see any of these symptoms in me, I give you permission to take positive action to help me out. I may hate you for it, but I will be thankful to you for it.
Before you run to calling professionals for me though, I promise to do the following:
- I have made a safety plan first aid kit, in this kit includes the following for me:
- A pack of ICE.
- A prayer card.
- Gratitude list.
- Self Talk card.
- Goals list that include short term, and long term goals.
- Support Card which has 1 family member, 1 friend, 1 mentor, 1 pastor, and 1 counsellor or the employment assistance program on it.
- One minute Mindfulness
- Hope Box crescendos from friends.
- Positive notes.
- Band-Aids.
- Self-soothe toolkit.
I am a cutter. I cannot promise not to cut. When I cut I do not cut deep, and I do not cause any internal organ damage. But I do promise to reach for the First Aid kit, before I reach for the knife to cut myself.
What can you do for me when I am in crisis?
- Send me funny GIPHY'S. If I do not send you one back. I need further help.
- Don't ask me what I need. I want to isolate. So just come over. Knock on the door and say, Hey, I'm here, you don't need to do anything, but I'm here.
- Be willing to listen to me if I want to dump all of my yucky suicidal thoughts on you. You're there with me, so, just listen. Don't worry, don't do anything or tell me I need more help. Simply listen.
- You need to tell me what you can, and cannot handle when I am in crisis.
- The Police and Crisis Team (PACT) Unit in Calgary is more help to me than the City of Calgary police department. If you believe I am in immediate danger, please call them on mine, and your behalf.
We can even set up what Jacob Moore calls an "If-Then Plan" to help navigate specific situations. If for instance you don't hear back from me after 12 hours, then you have my permission to call again. Because here's the thing: Despite your best intentions, I will likely do my awful best to impede your efforts. I'm not "attention seeking" or looking to "guilt trip you", what you have to remember is that these behaviors, should they occur, are contrary to my true nature, and my disease has taken over. I do appreciate your help despite how I may act in the moment. You can find Jacob Moores blog here: http://www.legacy.com/news/advice-and-support/article/my-un-suicide-note
If I still do not want your help, I give you permission to send me this blog and remind me of my promise to you.
My friend and mentor wrote me this, titled: More. To remind me that I am more.
You are more than all the things you've done
or the body you've sold or cut;
More than all this,
aging skin or raging sin;
That wraps around your bones like dirt,
amid the fallen stars and wreckage;
Come
You are fire
You are sky
You are Mata Hari
The eye of the day
Look
The world is perfect,
and you are in it;
Stay
You precious speck
of glittering dust,
and Shine.
Because, I am MORE. More than my depression, more than the thoughts, beliefs, and values I carry about myself in those horrible times. I believe them, they are true to me, and I cannot think past the fact, that my death, would be best for everyone in my life, and everyone who has yet to meet me.
Tuesday, July 25, 2017
Low-Income Transit Pass
After being DM'd by the lovely Annalise Klingbeil shockingly and abruptly in her classic style form, she informed me she had numbers of the amount of people who have accessed the sliding scale low-income transit pass since Calgary City Council approved it last year, and started in April of this year.
The numbers are absolutely shocking and astounding. It shows that 37,472 people purchased the $5.05 monthly pass in the first three months of the program. There were 69, 764 passes bought among the three different low-income pass levels, compared to the same time last year, was 56, 173.
If you are like me and horrible at math, that's an extra 13, 299 people who have accessed the sliding scale bus pass more than there were last year on the old subsidy pass.
There are 3 levels of the passes and tiers that people are on depending on their income level. You can find that on the City of Calgary site here: http://calgary.ca/CSPS/CNS/Pages/Neighbourhood-Services/sliding-scale-fare-changes.aspx
There are things to take into consideration with the transit pass though.
The numbers are absolutely shocking and astounding. It shows that 37,472 people purchased the $5.05 monthly pass in the first three months of the program. There were 69, 764 passes bought among the three different low-income pass levels, compared to the same time last year, was 56, 173.
If you are like me and horrible at math, that's an extra 13, 299 people who have accessed the sliding scale bus pass more than there were last year on the old subsidy pass.
There are 3 levels of the passes and tiers that people are on depending on their income level. You can find that on the City of Calgary site here: http://calgary.ca/CSPS/CNS/Pages/Neighbourhood-Services/sliding-scale-fare-changes.aspx
There are things to take into consideration with the transit pass though.
- Many people who could qualify for not only the low-income transit pass, but also the low-income recreation fee, cannot qualify because they live at home with parents. I am aware of 30-year-olds who work full time in minimum wage jobs, or cannot work due to health issues, who do not qualify and miss out on opportunities because it's to expensive for them to live outside of the home, and total household income is taken into account when applying.
- When the low-income transit pass came into effect, people who were on Alberta Works had their extra money they were getting to account for the new transit pass. As an example, I used to get $44 a month for my transit fare, I now get $5.05. I do not save any money, or get any extra money for groceries on this.
The biggest and most important things are:
- As it says in the Calgary Herald article, families are now able to travel together. They can now afford multiple transit passes and can GO places together now! THAT is a beautiful and wonderful thing!
- When my Poverty Talks! lady TracyRay Lewis does peer advocacy, she is more likely to stay connected with the peers she problem solves with because they can afford to go an see her. The price of the entire lowest cost pass is less than one trip to and from where her workplace used to be, so peers she tries to advocate for can actually participate in programs, support meetings, and have coffee with peers. Without the low-income rate she would be agoraphobic most of the time and a shut-in. She wouldn't be able to do the Poverty Talks! work, or volunteer at the Alex community food centre, etc. She would be at home having panic attacks because she wouldn't be able to afford to do stuff out of the house.
- Another Poverty Talks! member Nigel Kirk says a homeless person could pick bottles for a day and get a bus pass, provided they have their taxes done.
- Susan Gwynn from Poverty Talks! has seen 3 people who would get tickets constantly not have a ticket since April.
In mine, and I believe a lot of peoples opinions though, this is a temporary solution. We would all love to see a Guaranteed Annual Income take place, to REALLY end poverty in Calgary, Alberta, and Canada.
Also, here is the link to the wonderful article from Annalise in the Calgary Herald. Thank You for always seeking out the people who it effects, and hearing and listening to them.
http://calgaryherald.com/news/local-news/theres-a-need-more-than-10000-calgarians-a-month-buying-new-5-05-transit-pass
Also, here is the link to the wonderful article from Annalise in the Calgary Herald. Thank You for always seeking out the people who it effects, and hearing and listening to them.
http://calgaryherald.com/news/local-news/theres-a-need-more-than-10000-calgarians-a-month-buying-new-5-05-transit-pass
Saturday, July 22, 2017
If I die
Here is the thing, if I die, today, tomorrow, next week, or twenty years from now, I want you to be HAPPY for me.
People are devastated when a suicide takes place, and I don't understand why? Can people not see that the person is longer in pain and is no longer suffering?
Think of it as a chronic illness like cancer. An incurable illness. People are normally relieved when their loved one goes from this, because they are suffering no more.
I believe that heaven is a peaceful place, and I'll be surrounded by those loved ones who have gone before me, and will be re-united with those who go after me.
"Go rest high on that mountain" is one of the songs I have chosen for my funeral. Have a listen, it IS beautiful. Vince Gill, you sing it well: https://youtu.be/6jXrmAKBBTU
Smile, drink, make a toast, and love the ones you love. Remember me, but don't be sad for me.
I'll be resting high on that mountain.
People are devastated when a suicide takes place, and I don't understand why? Can people not see that the person is longer in pain and is no longer suffering?
Think of it as a chronic illness like cancer. An incurable illness. People are normally relieved when their loved one goes from this, because they are suffering no more.
I believe that heaven is a peaceful place, and I'll be surrounded by those loved ones who have gone before me, and will be re-united with those who go after me.
"Go rest high on that mountain" is one of the songs I have chosen for my funeral. Have a listen, it IS beautiful. Vince Gill, you sing it well: https://youtu.be/6jXrmAKBBTU
Smile, drink, make a toast, and love the ones you love. Remember me, but don't be sad for me.
I'll be resting high on that mountain.
Tuesday, July 18, 2017
Safety Plan
I feel the need to write and set out a new safety plan for myself. But, because my friends have been struggling with how to be helpful to me while I'm in crisis, I also feel the need to write this blog and help them, help me effectively, when I'm in crisis.
So:
ICE is the most effective tool for me when I'm in the most extreme point of my crisis and can no longer think clearly.
Calling a distress center or suicide crisis line is NOT helpful for me, for many reasons, the following the most important:
So:
ICE is the most effective tool for me when I'm in the most extreme point of my crisis and can no longer think clearly.
Calling a distress center or suicide crisis line is NOT helpful for me, for many reasons, the following the most important:
- The distress center has a certain criteria of questions they have to assess your immediate risk of suicide. I am ALWAYS on the list of CALL CPS RIGHT NOW.
- The distress center are strangers. People I do not know. When I am in crisis I NEED to know that my friends are there, that I am not abandoned, and that I am loved no matter what state of mind I am in at the moment.
- I am normally never helped by the distress center. In actual reality, they end up pissing me off more, and I hang up on them angry and frustrated, which of course, leads to them calling the police when it is not needed.
So, friends, here is what is helpful to me after the ICE.
- Ask me if I want to hang out some time and set a date and a time. I am a woman of my word, if I plan to take my life, I will NOT commit to anything.
- Send me a funny GIPHY, so I can laugh. If I am able to send you one back, I'm doing pretty good.
- Ask me what I need. "Do you want me to come over?" "Can I just sit here with you?" Or, TELL me you are coming over. Half the time I won't say, "Yes, please come over." just tell me that you are.
- The BIGGEST one, "I'm here to listen, and I won't leave you."
Perhaps, my friends can also have some input in here. As, they also know how to be successful in engaging with me when I am in this state of mind.
This is me, my safety plan for my friends. It IS different for everyone. So ask your friends this question:
- "What do you need from me, and how can I be most successful to you, when you are in a state of crisis?"
Saturday, July 15, 2017
City of Calgary Neighborhood Services Surveys
So, after a lot of anger and sadness, and frustration, I've decided to write this blog in a very constructive matter.
Recently my City of Calgary Neighborhood social worker did a community survey, one of the topics that came up was the necessity of basic needs (food), that people in our community seem to lack.
So they did the survey, the concluded that this was an issue, and they made a plan to "solve" the issue of food insecurity.
What was the answer to "solving" food insecurity to them?
To bring in a food bank to our South West community.
Now, I'm no expert, but:
1. Food banks have never solved food insecurity in the past.
2. Would you not ask the next question as to: "WHY is food insecurity an issue for you? AND
3. What would YOU like to see brought in to the community to help to bring you food security?
When I asked the community social worker if the last two questions had been asked to the community, the answer was no.
According to the City of Calgary's Enough for All strategy, reducing the usage of food banks is a goal to the city, and from my understanding, City of Calgary Neighborhood social workers are supposed to be working on these goals.
My City of Calgary social worker also asked me to join the conversation of this at their next meeting. As she thought my voice and opinion would be valuable in it.
So ... I went to the meeting. I asked the questions about how bringing the food bank would:
1. Bring food security to the community.
2. How the food bank brings dignity to people who use them, AND
3. If they have discussed this on a deeper community level with people.
Needless to say, I was dismissed. At least, I felt dismissed. I felt unheard, dismissed, disregarded, and like my thoughts, ideas, views were invalid and stupid.
The location of the food bank was also decided upon by these agencies, with absolutely no consultation with the people who live in that community.
So, yeah. I am more than a little disappointed with the City of Calgary Neighborhood services, and the agencies they partnered with on this.
I'm also a little ticked at the house in my neighborhood, where the girls who live in it are supposed to be actively engaged in the community, and I have not seen or heard from them at all.
And the Calgary Housing support worker I have, as she does not seem to support me anymore either.
So Calgary, Thank You. Thank You for not supporting me, listening to me, making me feel validated, or important, or a strong member of my neighborhood, or that I belong for that matter.
Perhaps, maybe, in the future you could:
1. Listen to the people who live in the community.
2. Dig deeper into the issue instead of thinking you can "solve" our problems for us.
3. Actually listen to me and others, validate us, and making us feel like we matter.
AND
4. Treat us like WE ARE the experts of our OWN lives!
Recently my City of Calgary Neighborhood social worker did a community survey, one of the topics that came up was the necessity of basic needs (food), that people in our community seem to lack.
So they did the survey, the concluded that this was an issue, and they made a plan to "solve" the issue of food insecurity.
What was the answer to "solving" food insecurity to them?
To bring in a food bank to our South West community.
Now, I'm no expert, but:
1. Food banks have never solved food insecurity in the past.
2. Would you not ask the next question as to: "WHY is food insecurity an issue for you? AND
3. What would YOU like to see brought in to the community to help to bring you food security?
When I asked the community social worker if the last two questions had been asked to the community, the answer was no.
According to the City of Calgary's Enough for All strategy, reducing the usage of food banks is a goal to the city, and from my understanding, City of Calgary Neighborhood social workers are supposed to be working on these goals.
My City of Calgary social worker also asked me to join the conversation of this at their next meeting. As she thought my voice and opinion would be valuable in it.
So ... I went to the meeting. I asked the questions about how bringing the food bank would:
1. Bring food security to the community.
2. How the food bank brings dignity to people who use them, AND
3. If they have discussed this on a deeper community level with people.
Needless to say, I was dismissed. At least, I felt dismissed. I felt unheard, dismissed, disregarded, and like my thoughts, ideas, views were invalid and stupid.
The location of the food bank was also decided upon by these agencies, with absolutely no consultation with the people who live in that community.
So, yeah. I am more than a little disappointed with the City of Calgary Neighborhood services, and the agencies they partnered with on this.
I'm also a little ticked at the house in my neighborhood, where the girls who live in it are supposed to be actively engaged in the community, and I have not seen or heard from them at all.
And the Calgary Housing support worker I have, as she does not seem to support me anymore either.
So Calgary, Thank You. Thank You for not supporting me, listening to me, making me feel validated, or important, or a strong member of my neighborhood, or that I belong for that matter.
Perhaps, maybe, in the future you could:
1. Listen to the people who live in the community.
2. Dig deeper into the issue instead of thinking you can "solve" our problems for us.
3. Actually listen to me and others, validate us, and making us feel like we matter.
AND
4. Treat us like WE ARE the experts of our OWN lives!
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