Calgary Food Bank

Do we still need the Food Bank?

This is the question I haggle with. Is the food bank necessary anymore? The question came up again the last two weeks, as I had to go there.

1. It took me over a week to try to get through to the food bank. Therefore, I had to go for a week without food. Or would have, if I did not have food in my cupboard. But I couldn't eat that food anymore as it contained gluten in it. So I had to clean it all out, and replace it with expensive gluten-free food as I've been recently diagnosed with celiac disease. So, I spent a week damaging my villa, and had to suffer with sickness until I could replace it.
2. I finally got through to the food bank, and one of the questions asked was, "What crisis are you having that is making you use the food bank?" Is this question necessary? Is it any of your business? I need food to eat. Plain and simple. 
3. I had to find a ride to get to the food bank. Therefore, having to ask a friend, to drive me and admitting to someone that I need the use of the food bank. My shame and embarrassment go up, and my dignity goes down. Why is the food bank located in such a horrible location? 
4. I had a great experience, the people were friendly and helpful. But unfortunately very uneducated on gluten-free items. I was offered bread, cakes, french fries, and other gluten containing items.
5. The gentleman at the end of the line, when I was packing my cart up was rude. As I was loading my cart I tried to go through the items that contained gluten in them so that I could return it and give it to someone who could use it. Instead I got from the gentleman, "Take your time, it's not like others aren't waiting." Instead of perhaps, "Could you go through the material over here? This would make it easier for us please."

I am grateful for the service I got, the volunteers that were there, and the hard work that people put into this, but, I think we CAN and SHOULD do better. How about.....

1. Instead of a warehouse, and food, gift cards are given to people? So they can shop for the groceries that they WILL eat, and KNOW what to do with?
2. Food that is going to be donated from stores to the food bank, designate an area of their store for "free food". This way, things don't expire as soon as people get it from the food bank, and people can access it in their own community.
3. Also, it took me a week to get through on the telephone. It's 2017! Why is there not a website to order food from?
4. The question, "Why do you need food" should be taken out. You should not have to justify why you're asking for food. I personally, would rather go down the street and support my local grocery store, and shop for food that I will use and know how to cook.

Honestly, I don't know what else to do, to NOT have a food bank. I know that it's necessary, but it can do better through gift cards, not having a food bank, but a smaller office with volunteers to take the phone line. 

I'd love for people to add their thoughts and opinions, but this is coming from a lived experience point of view. So...I'd like suggestions from people with lived experience, and support from those who donate and volunteer of their experiences, and if what they are doing, is REALLY helping, those who live in poverty?

If you are one of those people who need food from the Calgary food bank, you can reach them here: http://www.calgaryfoodbank.com/

On the plus side, they encourage their customers to offer feedback, and that's a great thing. I was pleased to see this on the wall at the food bank.

Not a Victim Part One

As I entered her house I noticed something different. Toys…scattered amongst the living room floor. And her son George, bouncing on the sofa. I am always awestruck by the absolute lovely atmosphere of her home every time I walk into it. But as I get to know her, I am also very aware that she keep the house very neat, because she loves too. So, I was very happy to see, that there was a small mess! Not a Victim went to school, and then went on to College to take an Early Childhood Education, she did her practicum but when she did her practicum she did not like what was going on. She went on to get her Hairstyling license. She went to go work for a production company full-time and always had the belief that if you, “Work hard and work well it will get you to the top.” She admits that it will, but it won’t keep you there when you work in that type of industry. She went on to work full-time in a management position and was very fortunate to be able to travel across the country in this job. She did trouble shooting for stores that were having trouble and worked with them to figure out why they were not profitable and how to help them succeed. When they managed to do well, she would move on to another store. 

She came to Calgary and got married. Stopped working and had two children. She was blindsided after almost a decade of being married and had to take her children and flee for their own safety. She knew she had to leave 2 years before she did but did not think she could and felt stuck. Six months before she left she definitely knew she had to leave but did not know how. Thankfully, an incident happened where she got lucky. A police officer recognized the signs, gave her resources, met with her, supported her, and together they came up with a strategy. She fled one night and went to a shelter. She had to. For her and her kids’ sake and their peace of mind. 

They stayed in two shelters in two months before they were fortunate enough to get into Calgary Housing. It was easy to make friendly acquaintances, and she had many resources available. I ask her “What made it easy?” “The ladies in the community were friendly, helpful, and curious. They would peek over the fence and say Hello and introduce themselves, they’d chat just like they’d known me forever.” There were also lots of children around she says that her kids could play with. She said that being at a shelter they gave you many resources for you to access when you got into a home. So that you’re not left wondering; “What do I do after being a stay at home mom after 10 years?” She had a game plan and was eager to follow it and get back on track for her and her kiddos. She says she was very fortunate for Calgary’s resources to come back with virtually nothing but the clothes on your back and two years later they are doing very well. Considering where they came from and she is really, really thankful to be here and safe. 

“The biggest thing is waking up in the morning and NOT being afraid and her kids NOT being afraid, that’s a REALLY good thing. I never want to lose that feeling of being grateful for little things because it’s no fun when you live in fear, and it’s even worse when your kids live in fear. I have a lot of reasons to be grateful.” 

The biggest thing I see in her, is that she does not have a name. She is a daughter, mother, aunt, sister, niece, etc... She could be YOURS!
 
In part two I will share with you what made #enoughforall in Calgary for Not a Victim and her kids, now 6 and 8.

Friends Checklist

It is February 2017. And it's time to look at and review my friends. I have a friends circle.

In my middle circle lies the friends that I trust completely. With my life and the life of my son.

Outside of that is my friends that I talk to, but would not disclose my inner, deepest secrets too.

Outside of that, is my "acquintance" list. People I talk to occasionally, but probably wouldn't tell the latest dirtiest joke I've heard too.

And outside of that, is my "business acquintance list". People I keep at an arms length, but don't completely trust.

So, where do you lie on my friends list? I've come out with a "survey" and coding system. Please fill out and get back to me.

1. What is my favorite color?
2. Where was I born?
3. How many brothers/sisters do I have?
4. What is my middle name?
5. What was my nickname as a kid?
6. Who and what was my first pet as a kid?
7. What was my first pet as an adult?
8. Where do I work?
9. What diplomas do I hold?
10. How old is my child?
11. How many children do I have?
12. When was the last time we laughed so hard we cried?
13. When was the last time we went out together?
14. What was my biggest shame last year?
15. What is the thing I regret the most in my life?
16. Have you ever visited me in the hospital?
17. Have I ever give you a key to my house?
18. What was the relationship of my family member who took her life?
19. What is my biggest weakness?
20. Who is my best friend? 
21. What is my favorite TV show?
22. What is my favorite movie?
23. What is my animals name?
24.  What is my latest diagnosis?
25.  Where do I volunteer?
26. What is my favorite food?
27. What is my favorite drink?

January BPDChat

 BPD Chat

Every Sunday on Twitter I take part in a #BPDChat . This chat helps me connect with people with the same diagnosis as me, and also teaches me the skills that I need to use in situations in my life.

I enjoy this group tremendously for several reasons.

1. They GET me.
2. They understand the incredible struggle it is to use these skills.
3. They encourage me to use them.
4. They never let me forget that I MUST use these skills in order to function.

January 1, 2017 - "We Survived the Holidays": Talking about how we did it & about our plans for the new year.

How DID I survive the holidays? Just barely. I had to remind myself that Christmas is not all about money. It's about family. As I had an Aunt that was passing away, that became very relevant. I had my family. We were not all together on Christmas Day. But I had my family. We were all healthy, and coping in our lives.

My goals for 2017? I have a lot. Hoping to get healthy physically and mentally again. Use my Dialectical Behavior Therapy skills more often, learn how to manage my newly diagnosis of celiac disease, and learn who my true friends are, and weed out the ones who are not. Focus on people who are IN my life, not people who are online.
January 8, 2017 - Self management
Ha! Self management. I'm not so good at this yet. I still need people to tell me what to do, and how to do it. What is one thing I do to take care of myself? Take a bath.

January 15, 2017 - What Do You Wish Mental Health Professionals Knew?

I could literally write a book on this one. But the Number 1 thing I wish they knew, is that I know my own body. I know what works for me, and what doesn't. I know when I'm suffering from the effects of Borderline Personality Disorder, or if I've fallen into a depression.

January 22, 2017 - "Self-Care -The PLEASE skill - 'Physical Self-Care: Ways to Reduce Emotional Vulnerability'

Ha, PLEASE. Got to love this acronym!

PL: treat PhysicaL illness:

E:   balance Eating:

A:  Avoid mood-altering drugs:

S:   balance Sleep:

E:  get Exercise:

These are all constant battles for me. I'm in constant pain so treating physical illness is a delicate balance. Eating is challenging, more so now that I have the diagnosis of celiac disease and have to watch carefully what I eat. Avoiding mood-altering drugs is not so much of a challenge for me. When I drink though, I drink hard. And I do have to watch the amount of alcohol intake that I take. Sleep is another challenge, as I have sleep apnea and very rarely go into REM sleep. Exercise is a challenge, as I have constant knee pain, and I have to watch the exercise I do as it will aggravate it and leave me in more physical pain.

January 29, 2017 - Feeling Like an Outsider & The Importance of Connection

Ah, well. Here's where I need to connect again. With my friends, and my neighbors. As I have felt like an outsider lately in my community, and I am not enjoying this feeling.

These skills have been taught specifically for people with Borderline Personality Disorder. But can honestly be helpful for everyone. With or without the diagnosis. If you'd like to follow or take part, it takes place at 2 p.m. every Sunday, MST. Go to Twitter here: https://twitter.com/OfficialBPDChat