Crazy

Today is  #bellletstalk day and the most important thing about today, is to talk about the stigmas that is used for people who have mental health issues. The most important thing to remember, is that if you have a brain, you can suffer from mental health issues. I am NOT my illness. I am NOT borderline, yet I have borderline personality disorder. You don't call people who HAVE cancer, "They are cancerous", as someone would say, "They are schizophrenic". They HAVE cancer, they HAVE schizophrenia. Words matter. Use them appropriately and wisely.

A very derogatory term and one that is thrown around way too much. I first remember when this term first effected me. When my son put my name in his phone as "Crazy lady". I found it funny at first, that one word explained my behavior. Once I thought about it more, it's not how I want to be known to him. My name is "Mom" to him, and that is what he should reference me as in his phone and elsewhere.

The really big time it hit me was when I was watching my neighbor's kids. The little girl referred to people who acted different from her as "crazy". Why crazy? Because that is the word that her mom used to refer to her patients at the care homes she went to. 

Terms like this, are hurtful. I am NOT crazy, nor do I act crazy. I act different than others. Different from what their "normal" is. When I cut myself when I'm in deep distress, my coping actions are DIFFERENT than others. 

When I would go do mental health presentations at the University of Calgary, one of the first things I would do is ask the class what they call people who they think are suffering from mental health issues. This is the most common word that came up in every single class.

Other words are, "frequent flyer", "attention seeker", "baby dolls", and "chronic complainer" thrown around by officers with the Calgary Police Service.

And, what is "normal" anyway? My son grew up living with his grandparents, to him that was "normal", people who grow up in a single parent family home, consider that as "normal". It is society who puts these labels out there, so as a society, let's change those labels.

My place in life

Second day of University

 On my second day of Humanities 101 class we were poised these questions in the classroom, after reading "Swimming Lessons" by Rohinton Mistry.

The questions made me think about my placement in life, and has made me think harder about where my placement in life wants to be.

The questions are thought provoking, and I encourage everyone to do this in their life.

How do we locate ourselves...

  

1.  in the classroom?

•  I am the person who struggles to make small talk with classmates.

2.  In the course?

• I am the person who studies hard, reads, and persists in the course to achieve my desired results.

3.  In the University?

• I am an older student who will probably NOT be engaged by younger students in the University setting.

4. In my home?

• I am the Master of my home and choices on what to do in it.

5. In my family?

• I am the member who is silent. who is never asked for advice or opinions, or what is new and exciting in my life.

6. In my city?

• I consider myself as an outcast of society in my city.

7. In my country?

• I locate myself in Canada as a citizen.

The one thing I learned, and took out of this. Is where I locate myself, in all of these places CAN be changed. If I work on it. Some of these placements I dislike, and I WANT to change my place in them.

I understand why I am disconnected from my classroom and the University. I go to school to learn and get good grades. Not to make friends. But I can engage with the students, and learn from them. I do not have to make friends, but I can choose to engage, ask questions, reflect, and learn.

University student in Poverty

Today I started my first class of Humanities 101 at St. Mary's University in Calgary.

I would not be able to attend this course if several factors of my life were not at play.

1. I live in poverty.
2. I cannot work full-time currently.
3. I did not hear about this program from a previous student.
4. I was not prepared to go back to school.
5. The course is free, including the textbooks and supplies.

Being a University student is scary. I have never been a great learner, and considered myself to "stupid" in this area. Writing essays scare the shit out of me.

My first readings for class came in yesterday.

1. Chapter 1, The Mindsets. Written by Carol Dweck, in "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success." (2006)
2. "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire, published in English in 1970.

The first thing I discovered in "Mindset" by Carol Dweck, is that I have a "fixed" mindset. In her book she explains it as when these people have a "bad" day, the people who have a "fixed" mindset see themselves as failures, rejects, losers, worthless, dumb.

That is me, I have what is called "black and white, all or nothing" thinking.

People who have a "growth" mindset. Have a better coping skill. they think of solutions, only one problem, not all or nothing.

On my reading of the "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire, I was intrigued and a little put off. This was a difficult read. I almost began that "all or nothing" thinking. I did not understand the language so therefore; "I must be stupid and will NEVER pass this Humanities 101 course, all the reading will be like this and I'll struggle all through the semester."

However, I was able to use some of the text in this material and apply it to my own life. How I was and had been oppressed. By the government, schools, health care, police, housing, teachers, family, friends, etc... And WHY people choose not to be oppressed anymore and liberate themselves from this.

I am looking forward, too many more readings, learning, teaching, studying, etc, from my new classroom.

YYC Girl

This is a story of a girl who grew up in Calgary.

I won't reveal her name because she wants to remain anonymous.

She tried to do all the right things.

Went to school, got educated.

Suffered from mental health issues.

Lost her good paying job.

And had to take on part-time work due to health issues.

Last year, she had trouble paying her bills.

She willingly chose, to go to stroll and sell her body.

Here, I learned she was raped.

The man held her down, and fucked her in the ass.

She does not know if he was still wearing a condom at the time. She never reported it right away, she was to embarrassed, ashamed, and frightened.

Now, she suffers the consequences for it. Still unable to pay her bills, but now more mental health issues are at stake for her. The ramifications of this rape to her has been horrendous. Night sweats, regrets, fear of STD's. She hates herself. Despises herself. Cannot look in the mirror.

She has cut her face. Wanting to be unattractive to men. So that they will never look at her again. So that she will never be taken advantage of by them like this again.

She drinks to take the pain away. To forget. To get away, if only for a little while.

Society, has turned her into this. We've done her wrong, and we need to do better for her. For others. For everyone who faces these decisions, to pay their bills and to survive in life.

The should not have to, have this chose. To survive in our society.

There is help, if you have chosen to do this, there is Shift Calgary,  http://www.shiftcalgary.org/ and Servants Anonymous. If you have been raped, I encourage you to report this right away. Sheldon Chumir and hospitals have rape kits and experts to counsellors.

I understand if this is a choice you have to make. But please be safe and careful.

Why CAN'T we do better?