Woes of having Borderline

It's been a bad few weeks. A very bad few weeks.

Not eating, having health issues. Family member who is very sick. Putting my cat down.

I've tried to cope the best that I can, with the skills that I have. But I falter still.

The four main things that are taught in DBT Skills are:

1. Get proper sleep
2. Eat 
3. Take Medication 
4. Avoid alcohol or drugs

Here's my problem lately to maintain these four basic skills.

1. I have sleep apnea. I require a CPAP machine to get rest. Without it I do not go into REM sleep.
2. I live in poverty. I cannot afford to eat 3 meals a day when my body is normal. My body has not been normal lately. I have stomach pain after I eat, massive diarrhea, and I won't go into the emberassing stuff because it shames me.
3. I try to take my medication every day. I must admit, sometimes I fail at this. 
4. I don't do drugs. But last Saturday, I drank. I drank and took pills. Not enough to do the job properly, but I took them.

I'm trying my best with what I have. And I've had to put my cat down because he was sick. I'm having housing issues, and am in physical pain every day. All while trying to do my best for my community and my city.

Abandonment is a huge issue for people with my diagnosis. So while in the process of making friends, allies, really good people who have helped me in times of crisis, are also the people that I drive away.

For those I've driven away recently, please understand I'm trying my best. I will start to look after me and take care of me, so that I can be healthy for my family, friends, community, and city.

I hope that you can forgive me, and know that my diagnosis, is not who I am, it's the side effects of the diagnosis.

I hope that we can be friends and allies together. Because we ARE in this together.