Borderline Personality Disorder

Amidst all of the wonderful things that are going on in my life, are still the ruminating thoughts, the urge to self-harm, and trying to manage life with Borderline Personality Disorder. Although I don't qualify for the diagnosis anymore, I still have a few of the "symptoms" that are included in it.

In the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual, Fourth Edition, to be diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, a person must show a pattern of behavior that includes at least 5 of the following:

• Extreme reactions to abandonment, whether real or perceived
• A pattern of intense and stormy relationships, often going from extreme (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)
• Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self, which can result in sudden changes in feelings, opinions, values, or plans and goals for the future
• Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating
• Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting
• Intense and highly changing moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days
• Chronic feelings of emptiness
• Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger
• Having stress-related paranoid thoughts or severe dissociative symptoms.

Seemingly routine events may trigger symptoms. For example, people with BPD may feel angry and distressed over minor separations—such as vacations, business trips, or sudden changes of plans—from people to whom they feel close. They have a stronger reaction to words with negative meanings than people who do not have the disorder.

So recent events have triggered those feelings of abandonment, those intense relationships, Chronic feelings of emptiness.

I am using the Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills that have been taught to me through Alberta Health Services. I still have those self-destructive thoughts, but through self-soothing, distress tolerance, and Mindfulness I have been able to not act out on those thoughts.

Later, with more time; I will touch more on those skills. Today, I just needed to get this out. To explain myself to others who don't understand why I am feeling the way I do, or are wondering why I have gone to this place once again, or why I am reacting the way I am.

So tonight, I will color and have a bath.