University student in Poverty

Today I started my first class of Humanities 101 at St. Mary's University in Calgary.

I would not be able to attend this course if several factors of my life were not at play.

1. I live in poverty.
2. I cannot work full-time currently.
3. I did not hear about this program from a previous student.
4. I was not prepared to go back to school.
5. The course is free, including the textbooks and supplies.

Being a University student is scary. I have never been a great learner, and considered myself to "stupid" in this area. Writing essays scare the shit out of me.

My first readings for class came in yesterday.

1. Chapter 1, The Mindsets. Written by Carol Dweck, in "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success." (2006)
2. "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire, published in English in 1970.

The first thing I discovered in "Mindset" by Carol Dweck, is that I have a "fixed" mindset. In her book she explains it as when these people have a "bad" day, the people who have a "fixed" mindset see themselves as failures, rejects, losers, worthless, dumb.

That is me, I have what is called "black and white, all or nothing" thinking.

People who have a "growth" mindset. Have a better coping skill. they think of solutions, only one problem, not all or nothing.

On my reading of the "Pedagogy of the Oppressed" by Paulo Freire, I was intrigued and a little put off. This was a difficult read. I almost began that "all or nothing" thinking. I did not understand the language so therefore; "I must be stupid and will NEVER pass this Humanities 101 course, all the reading will be like this and I'll struggle all through the semester."

However, I was able to use some of the text in this material and apply it to my own life. How I was and had been oppressed. By the government, schools, health care, police, housing, teachers, family, friends, etc... And WHY people choose not to be oppressed anymore and liberate themselves from this.

I am looking forward, too many more readings, learning, teaching, studying, etc, from my new classroom.

YYC Girl

This is a story of a girl who grew up in Calgary.

I won't reveal her name because she wants to remain anonymous.

She tried to do all the right things.

Went to school, got educated.

Suffered from mental health issues.

Lost her good paying job.

And had to take on part-time work due to health issues.

Last year, she had trouble paying her bills.

She willingly chose, to go to stroll and sell her body.

Here, I learned she was raped.

The man held her down, and fucked her in the ass.

She does not know if he was still wearing a condom at the time. She never reported it right away, she was to embarrassed, ashamed, and frightened.

Now, she suffers the consequences for it. Still unable to pay her bills, but now more mental health issues are at stake for her. The ramifications of this rape to her has been horrendous. Night sweats, regrets, fear of STD's. She hates herself. Despises herself. Cannot look in the mirror.

She has cut her face. Wanting to be unattractive to men. So that they will never look at her again. So that she will never be taken advantage of by them like this again.

She drinks to take the pain away. To forget. To get away, if only for a little while.

Society, has turned her into this. We've done her wrong, and we need to do better for her. For others. For everyone who faces these decisions, to pay their bills and to survive in life.

The should not have to, have this chose. To survive in our society.

There is help, if you have chosen to do this, there is Shift Calgary,  http://www.shiftcalgary.org/ and Servants Anonymous. If you have been raped, I encourage you to report this right away. Sheldon Chumir and hospitals have rape kits and experts to counsellors.

I understand if this is a choice you have to make. But please be safe and careful.

Why CAN'T we do better?