Human Rights = PhD

You see....I sat in class, understanding the morning. It was interactive, fun, enthralling to learn in this setting.

And then....

Yes, then I was reminded of why I don't return to school. Because here was this amazingly brilliant person teaching me in a language I did not understand. Terminology that made no sense to me.

You see....

I am what Tito has said in his spoken word poetry, "I have my degree in street knowledge." I am a FEELER, I understand the HUMAN side, the EMOTIONAL side, the LIVED side of it all.

This lady is speaking Chinese in a world where I speak English. Where I speak human language, not legal terms. How do I possibly make sense of all of this?

So I sit on my couch and feel stupider and stupider. I had to walk out of class a few times today. To just go out and breeaaattthhhh, because I was on the verge of tears in the classroom.

I was....

In grade nine all over again. In math class and the math was just NOT adding up. So I flee. I can't breath and I run for my life because to quit is safer than sitting there and not understanding, feeling stupid and worthless.

The teacher...

Sees me, but doesn't. She does not see the terror on my face, the sadness in my eyes. I feel rejected and abandoned by the education system all over again.

So...

I grab the book that was lent to me today, "The Broken Way" by Ann Voskamp, and I continue reading what I started earlier today. And then page 31 hits me in the head like a hammer. "In His last hours, in His abandonment, Jesus doesn't look for comfort or try to shield Himself against the rejection; He breaks the temptation to self-protect - and gives the vulnerability of Himself. In the sharp edge of grief, Jesus doesn't look for something to fill the broken and alone places; He takes and gives thanks."

And now.....

Tomorrow, I need to get up and go to class. I need to break the temptation to self-protect and leave myself vulnerable. I need to try again. I can't drink tonight or cut, to try to fill the broken pieces of me. I need to take what I can from this, and give thanks.